


I Didn't Want to Know

by itxokayish



Series: (Not So) One Shots [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Crying Keith (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), It Came Back, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith has Cancer, M/M, Medicine, Multi, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), Protective Shiro (Voltron), Sick Character, Sick Keith (Voltron), Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), broganes, implied klance, tbh its more platonic atm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 23:42:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16732887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itxokayish/pseuds/itxokayish
Summary: Keith returns to the Castle of Lions after mysteriously taking a break from the Blades. The paladins don't know what is going on and they are faced with the truth when Keith collapses during training with Lance.





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> So I am a mess and as per emotional breakdown I made this depressing one shot.  
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Cursing and Kangst  
> Also in this AU Shiro isn’t a clone, and that whole storyline is set for after this all takes place because Keith doesn’t need no clone atm

"I'm fine," Keith said as he shoved Lance out of the way, exiting the training room. 

"Like hell you are, you know you can go around and yell at Shiro because he adores you, but I'm done with your fucking temper," Lance said as he pulled Keith back into the room by his elbow. Keith didn't have his jacket on, and his arms were bare without it. Lance almost flinched back at how  _hot_ Keith's skin was.

"Don't touch me," Keith hissed as he slapped Lance's hand off. Lance's eyebrows only furrowed further above his eyes as he stood in place.

If Keith wanted to be a stubborn jackass, who was he to stop him?

 _Asshole,_ Lance thought as he rolled his eyes. He doubted Keith noticed from how  _out of it he_  seemed.

"You know what, leave, go to your room and sulk and be a lonely emo or whatever," Lance responded as he threw his arms up. Keith didn't even bother glaring back at Lance. He just sighed a raspy breath and went about his merry way. It had been like that for almost a month now. Keith had been released from the Blades after a mission for some unknown reason and he was obviously _not_ fine but refused to let anyone tell him otherwise. 

Lance especially, who didn't know why he cared so goddamn much. Actually, he did, but it was a stupid, probably faulty conclusion. Because it made no sense. It made no sense how when Keith sniffled or sneezed it caused a panic in Lance’s chest. It made no sense that everytime Keith didn’t eat Lance felt concerned in a way he never felt concerned before Keith went with the Blades for months.

It made no fucking sense to Lance as to why when Keith came back, he felt such a huge sense of relief and happiness. Keith was his _rival_. He was temperamental and annoying.

He crossed his arms and let himself  _drown in_  all the ways Keith was a terrible, awful, annoying person to try to justify not chasing after him and forcing him into a cold bath, feeding him some soup that Hunk made, or- Lance groaned again as he kept on thinking about Keith. 

He only got interrupted by Shiro's voice.

"Hey, have you seen Keith? He didn't eat breakfast or dinner and-," Shiro rushed into the room, running through the same panicked dad speech he had given everyone for the past few days that Keith had been back. 

_Has Keith eaten? Have you seen Keith? Isn't he paler than usual? I think something's wrong with him, but he needs space, so we shouldn't bother him, but he was paler, right?_

Lance was over it. This emo, temper tantrum act might work on Shiro and the rest of the team who is too scared to tell Keith otherwise, but it wasn't working on Lance. There was something _wrong_ and he was going to get to the bottom of it. 

"He just ran off, I'll go find him," Lance cut Shiro off, who took another five minutes to convince that he could handle Keith. 

"Okay, but just call me over if he needs anything, I'll have Hunk make him some-," Shiro started. 

"Shiro, I know he's your brother and you have weird paternal instincts, but I can handle Keith," Lance said as he walked out before Shiro could protest.

* * *

 

He slowly made his way to the sleeping quarters to where he suspected Keith to be. 

"Hey, Mullet, I'm coming in," Lance said as he knocked on the door, not getting any response. "Don't say I didn't warn you." Lance walked in only to find an empty room with only Keith's jacket hanging on one of the hooks by the entrance. He had never been in Keith's room before, but it sent cold, unsettling shivers down his spine. 

 _It's so...empty, h_ e thought as he looked around. 

It reminded him of homes before putting furniture in. It just didn't feel  _lived_ in, it didn't feel like Keith had made an impression on this room, on the castle. And it felt  _so wrong because_  Keith  _had made_  a huge impact. He had lead Voltron at one point, he had been there for Lance, he had defended the universe just as much as the rest of them, and there Lance was in a room that mirrored that of a barren, abandoned space.

He walked out before his thoughts got any more depressing. He swore it was colder in the room than out in the hallway. 

He made his way to the next place he could think of, the shower room. Surprisingly, but not so much, Keith spent at least fifteen minutes in the showers after a training,  _not like Lance payed attention though, because that would be weird._

Lance walked into the shower room and could already hear one of the stalls pouring water on full blast. The room looked like a normal Earth shower room, with each shower having its own holographic curtain. One could even set it to different opaque colors. Pidge had programmed them to turn whatever color matched their lions per Lance's request. Everyone just went along with it, but now that he was looking for Keith it proved quite useful because a bright red, opaque shower curtain caught his line of sight.

"Hey, Mullet?" Lance hollered out, but no response, only the faint echo of his own voice and the pitter-patter of the water dousing Keith. He slowly got closer to the shower and made one last attempt to get Keith to pay attention to him, "Hey, I'm going to turn the water all the way to freezing if you don't tell me what the hell is up with you."

"Okay fine-," Lance said as he moved to the screen beside the shower which allowed him to change the settings of the shower from the outside. He was going to make the water cold, but then he quickly saw a red screen pop up as he tapped the screen. He immediately opened the curtain, causing the holographic panels to go away and reveal a shivering, fully clothed Keith who was sat on his knees.

His forehead was pressed against the shower wall he was facing. His eyes were closed, and Lance didn't know how he was holding himself up.

Lance took two ticks to process the horrid scene before jumping to action.

"The hell," Lance cursed as he tapped the screen, turning off the water and grabbing a towel, pulling Keith out. 

He quickly wrapped the towel around Keith. He expected him to yell at him, but as soon as Lance pulled him in the towel, he started sobbing. Lance didn't know how to respond. He had always made fun of Keith for being shorter than he was, being the smallest blade, being _small_ in general, but seeing him now  _crying, small, vulnerable_  broke Lance's heart. 

"Hey, buddy, it's aright," Lance tried to console as he grabbed another towel and tried to dry Keith's hair. Lance was going to take Keith to the healing pods as soon as he calmed down, but then Lance started seeing blood stain the towel underneath Keith's shoulder, a stream of blood dripping from Keith's nose. 

"Keith, what the hell," Lance panicked as he immediately grabbed Keith’s jaw to get him to look at him, but all he got was an unresponsive Keith.

“Hey, buddy,” Lance said with more panic rising in his voice, “Keith!” He found himself yelling as he gently shook him. It took Lance no more time to stand up and carry Keith bridal style and run for the med bay, sending an urgent message to Coran through the comms. 

* * *

 

"It shows he has a deficit of something in his blood. His immune system is down, and it appears he caught more than one space virus that is foreign to his biology. Because of the disease that is attacking his immune system, his body is unable to fight off whatever else he had caught," Coran stated as everyone gathered around Keith's pod. Shiro was pale and everyone else didn't fully understand what any of that meant. 

"It can't be back," Shiro said, shocked as he looked up at Keith. "Run the scan again," Shiro demanded. 

"Shiro we have already run it five times. The result is unfortunately not going to change if I-," Coran tried to reason. 

"I said run another scan," Shiro yelled as he smashed his Galra hand on one of the other pods in the room. If they weren't made of the finest Altean material, they probably would have shattered to billions of pieces. 

Shiro was _not_ having it.

Coran sadly ran another scan that showed the same results. 

Keith was sick,  _very sick,_  and he only had a few weeks left. 

Coran said there was nothing that would prevent Keith's outcome. There was nothing they could do.

Instead of yelling, Shiro became blank as he stared at Keith in the pod. Everyone else had caught on to what was going on, but Allura decided it would be best to gather everyone before Keith woke up. 

* * *

 

"As you all have gathered," Allura said sadly looking down at the floor. "Keith is very sick. Kolivan and all of Keith's team are coming to see him. They have been occupied with a mission and they were unable to come."

"The scans show that Keith has a type of terminal illness that has been metastasizing for quite some time. Kolivan's messages said that he was unstable and not allowed to go on missions, but Keith found a way to deter the messages from getting to us, his tech ID showed up when Pidge did a deep search. Either way, Kolivan's messages say his state was not as bad as it is now," Coran reported in a solemn voice. 

"The blades were able to detect the space virus, but it seems the illness that is causing his immune system to fail wasn't. It isn't something we would have detected either if it wasn't for the human setting already on the pods. The blades only released him with saying he was suffering from a 'common; cold', but Keith said he wanted to be released. He wanted to come to see us," Allura added. 

"So, he came to say goodbye, to tell us 'hey guys I'm dying, and I thought you should know,'" Lance suddenly spat out, standing up, his fists clenched. 

"Lance," Coran said. 

"No, he came to die here, and when did he plan on telling us?" Lance burst out, his eyes filling up with tears. "I thought it was just him being moody-I-I I didn't- god, I didn't think he had freaking  _cancer; that he was dying_ ," Lance said as he buried his face into Hunk's chest, sobbing. 

 _I made fun of him all those times. I didn't check on him sooner because I was being stubborn, petty over a stupid rivalry when I should have just checked on him. I haven't seen him in months, and I don't even check-in,_ Lance pathetically curled deeper into Hunk.

"The best we can do is offer him some peace. He came to be with us-," Coran started saying. 

"He came to die with us," Pidge said as her voice broke, crying into Shiro's arm, who still hadn't spoken, his head was hung, and the backside of his hands were on his forehead as his elbows laid on his knees. He looked pale,  _desperate_ for some other type of answer, anything else, anything but this.

Before anyone spoke there was a sound of the pod opening and Coran dashed over, catching Keith and placing him in a bed they had pulled into the med bay just for him. Allura went over and got an IV line and rolled it close to the side of Keith's bed. 

As Keith woke up, Coran set up the IV line, making Keith's brow furrow as he was poked while still waking up. 

"Sorry lad had to do it quick, you need the nutrients. You overworked your body at this stage and did some real damage," Coran apologized. 

"What's-where am I?" Keith groaned as he sat up, wincing as he got up and seemed to take note of how weak he felt. Allura immediately grabbed his elbows and helped him settle back down onto the bed, helping him prop himself up with pillows, tucking him in instinctively. Keith just scowled. 

"Stop touching me," Keith said as he slapped Allura's hand away. "Why is no one talking? What the hell is going on?" Keith asked finally noticing how half the team's faces were covered in tears, their cheeks damp, and their eyes puffy and red. 

"Keith, please calm down," Allura said as she placed a hand on Keith's head, feeling for a temperature, retracting her hand as she felt how hot he was. "Keith, you are burning up," she said, immediately going to the cart that Coran had wheeled in and getting a cold compress. 

"I'm fine, it's just a cold," Keith said, pushing the compress away from his face. 

"Keith, please," Shiro finally spoke. "Just take it."

Keith's eyes widened as he heard how broken Shiro's voice sounded. 

"Shiro, I'm fine, really," Keith stated, taking the compress and putting it on his lap gently. "It's nothing for all you to worry about. I just need rest. Sorry for worrying you."

"Keith, stop it," Lance yelled suddenly, walking to the foot of his bed and placing his hands on the bottom edge of the hospital-like bed's frame. "We know what's going on. We know why you suddenly decided to come here. We know, so you can stop acting like you are fine," Lance said, starting to cry again. 

"Nothing is going on. What the hell are you talking about? It's just a cold, the flu, or whatever the hell you want to call it. It probably is just amplified because it's a space virus, but I'm fine," Keith responded as he looked around at everyone before turning back to Lance.

"Sure, I'm not feeling great, but why do you make it seem like I am about to die. I came here because my mom is missing, and I just wanted a break. I wanted to see you guys, so I'm sorry if you think I need to be dying to do that," Keith responded as he bit his lip, it started bleeding almost immediately and he just kept rubbing off the blood with the back of his hand, but it wouldn't stop. 

It wouldn't  _clot_. 

"What do you mean-okay you know what stop it, _look_ at you. How could you not know you are dying; your lip literally won't stop bleeding and you have the nerve to tell us that you don't know you have weeks to live. What the fuck, Keith?" Lance yelled and Keith's eyes widened as he listened to Lance's words, then looked down at his hand, looking at his own blood on the back of his palm. 

"No, I'm fine," he whispered, the gears in his head seemed to be turning and Lance couldn't help but scoff, couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of anger at how Keith acted like he didn’t know what the hell was going on.

 _How long are you going to act innocent? How long are you going to try to protect us in your stupid, dumb ways?_  Lance thought, pulling his body back a bit as he kept observing Keith. 

Suddenly, his eyes started to water, and Lance pulled farther back from his bed. Everyone eyed each other as Keith 's nose got red. "No, I-but I can't-but the transplant-no. It's been-f-forever. It's just a cold-I r-ran the test. No-, Shiro it's not-you're lying-run it again," Keith said as he suddenly turned even paler than he was.

He looked at Shiro who didn't say anything, and the rest of them could see the  _life just_  drain out of Keith as he absorbed all the information. It was almost telepathic how Shiro walked over and Keith collapsed into his chest, his expression blank and his eyes still wide, tears building up as the ticks passed them by.

"Shiro, no what the fuck? What the hell? Why?" Keith's voice broke as he dug his face fully into Shiro's body, muffled crying started to fill the dead silent room. Everyone stared at the emotional breakdown that was happening in front of them. The fact that Keith was breaking down so hard in front of them in such a way that seemed foreign to them. 

Keith, uncontrollably crying and muffling his cries into Shiro's side. Keith, who was the  _emo,_  the  _wall that would never open up_. Keith,  _their_ Keith, was  _shattering._

Everyone looked at each other, processing what was happening, but also clarifying and confirming the situation. 

 _Keith didn't know_. He hadn't known he was dying. 

"The bleeding, the-the-bruises-I just thought-I just-I wanted to think-god what the fuck? But-and the test, at-Marmora said-," Keith continued as his words started becoming incoherent, he went on to ramble on more, but no one could understand what he was saying, it's not like their state of minds would have been able to process what he was saying anyway.

"Paladins, I think it's best if we let Keith and Shiro on their own for the time being," Allura said, breaking the painful silence, letting her voice join the only sound in the med bay, Keith's sobbing, his rambling, his  _pain._  

They all hesitantly looked at each other and then at Shiro, who just sadly nodded as he rubbed Keith's back, subtle tears streaming down his face as if he was trying to stay strong  _for Keith_. 


	2. Ticking

It had been a week since everything had been discovered. Apparently, Keith had caught a space disease that had attacked his immune system and started causing irregularities in his cell production. Since Keith had left the Blades, he had caught another disease, probably from one of the missions they had gone on.

Lance had snooped around Coran, Allura, and Shiro talking to try to figure out more information. Coran had mentioned that he didn’t know how Keith was standing and acting like he was fine. His vitals showed he had been living on adrenaline, mixed with something similar on his Galra side since he had gotten to the Castle. Bottom line, he shouldn’t have been able to do all the things he had been doing, like train for hours on end and join them on missions.

Coran had explained that coupled with his history and the fact that it hadn’t been that long since his remission supposedly happened, whatever illness Keith had had in his childhood had relapsed quickly and caused the outbreak that had happened a week ago.

Lance thought it all sounded insane. Keith, the _first-placing_ , _best_ in his class, _amazing_ pilot, Keith, had been fighting off cancer. He didn’t know the details, the when or the how’s, but from the minimum information that Shiro had shared before practically locking himself with Keith in one of the extra rooms for a week, he knew that much.

Coran had set up all the equipment and necessary things for Keith in a room closer to the med bay, easier if anything were to go downhill suddenly. Nobody liked to think about that though, it didn’t feel like it could get any worse.

Lance had only managed to peer in once during the week where only Shiro, Coran, and Allura were allowed to see him. Pidge had gathered that Keith had gotten what on Earth was known as seizures and he had been hooked up to machines, along with undergoing whatever treatment the three that were allowed to see him deemed appropriate.

Pidge had even managed to conclude that it got to the point where Allura’s magic seemed to be the _only_ thing that remedied his current state. But even then, he wasn’t  _fine._

It was  _painful_. It was  _absolutely painful_  to know what Keith was undergoing from Pidge digging around in the comms and security feeds, and not because Keith was willingly letting them know what was going on. God, Lance didn’t even know if he was even awake for the whole past week.

All anyone knew was that he was breathing.

And it almost _killed_ Lance. It almost killed Voltron too. Red and Black went crazy to the point that they almost tore down the whole hangar. They had to go on two missions and they almost didn’t form Voltron in time. All of them had to go to the med bay, all for minor injuries, but still, it felt like everything was spiraling downhill.

Now, finally after a week, Keith opened his room’s doors to everyone. He wasn’t hooked up to countless machines anymore, just what was the equivalent to an IV line back on Earth, and a machine that was detecting all his vitals.

Lance did his best to analyze the room rather than meet Keith’s gaze. He had been sent down to ask if he wanted food, and even though a big part of him didn’t want to, he did it.

Because who was he to deny Shiro to check in on his dying brother. Lance had mentally cursed when he thought that. He was a horrible person for even conjuring up the thought.

As he peered around Keith’s room, he looked closer at the machine detecting his vitals, as if it were an intricate art piece. He had never seen a machine like it back on Earth, but it looked much less invasive from what he remembered at the Garrison infirmary that had the same function.

 _That_ felt like salt in the wound every time Lance thought about it. How they were in  _space_ with  _extremely_ advanced technology, but they couldn’t  _do_ anything even with all the advanced machines and magic at their disposal. Supposedly, magic couldn’t reverse all that of what had deteriorated already, couldn’t put the pieces back to something that didn’t have them anymore.

“Hunk made that weird soup again. Do you want me to bring you some? Shiro asked if you wanted any,” Lance then said, after what felt like ages of letting the ticks pass them by, of letting Keith’s raspy breathing fill the air of the sterile, cold room.

Keith stayed leaning back and nodded.

“Anything else?” Lance asked, hating how meek and scared his voice sounded, as if Keith would say something that could possibly make everything shittier than it already was.

Like  _fuck off, I don’t want to see you. You awful person. Maybe I wouldn’t be in this bed if you had checked on me earlier if you hadn’t been so caught up in our ‘rivalry’ and didn’t let it get to this point. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten another disease from going on a mission with you guys if you had just put your feelings aside. Maybe I wouldn’t be dying-_

“No, fine,” Keith huffed out, turning his body slightly away from Lance and pulling the white sheets and fluffy blanket, that apparently Shiro had gotten him, over his shoulder. Lance bit his lip harder as a part of his ached at how Keith turned  _away from him_.

In a rational mindset, Lance knew that Keith would never say anything he thought. But from what Pidge had managed to uncover, if they had caught whatever was happening the tick that Keith had arrived at the Castle the outlook would have been better, not much, but better. So, a big chunk of Lance’s conscience was eating away at how he  _knew_  something was off. How he  _knew_  and  _sensed_ , but he stayed quiet because he thought that was  _just how Keith was, temperamental._ He thought he was just not sleeping well, or just got a common cold, it had happened to the whole team at least once since their time out in space.

Lance thought it was simple, just something to tease Keith about, to push just hard enough to make Keith push back in retaliation, not enough to pierce through and force him to talk.

He couldn’t of have ever imagined it would turn out like this.

Maybe, if he had said something Keith wouldn’t be like he was right now. Dark circles under his eyes, dry, cracking lips, pale complexion, on the brink of death.

That blank look in his eyes, that couldn’t be ignored no matter how he smiled, how he changed his facial expression.

“Maybe some juice,” Keith added, mumbling as he burrowed deeper into the side. Lance hummed in response and started to walk out. He winced as he heard Keith dry heaving as the door slid shut behind him.

* * *

 

“He’s stable,” Coran announced to the whole team. They were in the common room, where they had practiced bonding with through mindscape during their first days of arriving at the Castle. They all didn’t acknowledge it was a formal meeting to address what to do about Keith, but they all knew that the sudden cutting short of dinner and Shiro actually interacting with the rest of the team, meant they were going to talk about _it_.

“He looks like he’s dying,” Pidge then said and all of them flinched.

“Pidge,” Allura said, she sounded beyond tired.

“What?” Pidge asked defensively. She had been the most offensive during the whole situation. Angry, that Coran, Allura, and Shiro were keeping information from the rest of them. Frustrated, that she had to invade privacy just to know if Keith was still alive.

What Pidge had in emotion made up for Hunk’s lack thereof. He was just speechless. Since they had found out, he hadn’t really spoken about it. He cooked a lot more than normal, Lance ruled it a coping mechanism to try to distract himself.

Lance was a mix of both, more of a mess that couldn’t be labeled. At first, he was like Pidge, bursting out and lashing out at the  _trio_  that thought they were entitled to keep Keith’s information hidden. All onboard with Pidge hacking away, but when Pidge started digging deeper, started getting into Keith’s history, his family, his  _past,_ Lance turn silent and recluse after that.

The guilt started chipping away. The fact that he maybe, _possibly_ could have stopped this. The fact that Keith had lived such a hard life and Lance just teased him all the time, joked about him dropping out, being ignorant of whatever he had going on in his life.

He had been a jackass, and in the last few days of the past week, the guilt that Keith could have died thinking that Lance didn’t give two shits about him,  _hated_  him even, ate him alive and spit him out repeatedly to face the same end over and over and over again.

“He’s stable, that’s what matters,” Hunk said, his voice monotone and not  _loud enough_.

“Maybe if you would have let me help, he would have been stable days ago-,” Pidge began to argue. “Maybe if you guys didn’t think you were the only ones entitled to care about him then-,” Pidge added, and Lance could feel the tension rising.

“Pidge, we did what Keith wanted,” Allura responded, her voice still tired and calm.

“What Keith wanted,” Pidge scoffed. “Keith was dying, and you wouldn’t even let us see him.”

“He wanted privacy,” Coran tagged in for Allura, who looked like she couldn’t even handle arguing back as she sat down across Pidge, Lance, and Hunk.

“He didn’t  _need_  privacy,” Pidge said. “He needed all of the possible options to make it out alive.”

“Don’t question if we did the best for him, because you know we did,” Allura suddenly burst out. “We did everything we could to get him how he is now, and to think you have the audacity to accuse us of not doing our best-,” Allura continued as he stood up suddenly.

“ _OUR_ best,” Pidge yelled back as she stood as well. “That’s the problem. It was  _you_ guys making the decisions, getting to see him, getting to do everything while we just hope you guys know what the fuck you-.”

“AT LEAST HE’S ALIVE,” Lance lashed out, causing both sides to back down. “At least he’s breathing. Who cares how he got there? He’s alive and stable now. Can we talk about what that means and what the hell we are going to do?” Lance sighed as he brought his face to his hands, leaning over his lap.

There was silence for a few ticks.

“He’s eating,” Hunk then said, louder than last time, filling the quiet room.

“He’s throwing up less,” Shiro then added. Everyone turned. It seemed like Shiro hadn’t spoken in ages if it wasn’t for the sake of a mission or asking someone to check on Keith. “He smiles like everything is fine. He likes the blanket I got for him when we went to the space mall the last movement. He looks much better than last movement too, even if it isn’t perfect, he is doing much better.”

Everyone on Lance’s side took a moment to process what the other side already knew. All of them stood in silence as the tension dissipated.

“He likes the juice that you made from the fruits we collected on the last mission,” Lance then said to Hunk. He seemed to smile, ever so slightly, at that.

“He said he misses his mom,” Pidge then spoke. “She went missing before he left the Blades, and now he thinks he will never see her again. I was thinking we work with Marmora to help find her since Kolivan delayed his visit due to his state last movement. He’s coming tomorrow, and I think it’s something important to Keith, that we try to find her.”

“I agree,” Hunk said.

“Can we ask questions?” Lance then said. “If-you don’t have to answer them if Keith wouldn’t want you to,” he added.

Shiro nodded.

“Was he sick when we knew him? At the Garrison?” Lance asked, awaiting the answer.

“He was going into remission,” Shiro responded. “The system wasn’t dealing with it properly, so when I went to his school and he caught my attention, I was made aware of…his condition,” he took a breath. “I made sure he got treated, but you know with the treatments that are used now, it was easy for him to hide it from a lot of people. When he got admitted to the Garrison it was after I got him treatments. He got a transplant during his first year there, so after that, it was just transitioning.”

Lance nodded. It  _was_  hard to tell when someone was going through that. Besides a small device implanted in their back that administered treatments and drugs, it was mostly invisible. It was nothing compared to how it was done in times past, and with the newer treatments, it was even possible to avoid the high doses of drugs and hair loss when the patient was getting better. It was easier to  _hide_ , and that’s exactly what Keith had done.  _Hidden it._

“The system and his history said he always got sick easily, but I think it was lack of care on their part because afterward, he was healthy and strong,” Shiro added. “That’s why I went on Kerberos because he was fine. He said he  _would be_  fine,” his voice broke a bit from the calmness he tried to keep it at.

“And he was after you left. He was thriving in the middle of the desert. Solitude and motorbikes, living the dream. He did fine,” Lance said as he tried to keep whatever reservations or worries Shiro was putting on himself at bay. Everyone dryly chuckled.

“Why didn’t he-I don’t now-he just-why didn’t he tell us? Tell us anything? That he was an orphan, in the system, that his dad died, that he had cancer, why?” Pidge then asked, her voice wasn’t angry, just  _desperate,_ and hoping to understand.

“He loves you guys so much. You know how he is,  _run away and ignore anything that is remotely possible of conflict._  I can’t speak for him, but I think he was scared of letting you in, of being pushed away. It happened a lot when he was growing up, it even happened the first few years at the Garrison with kids from his previous school. They made fun of his faults and ousted him because of them. He is scared to let you know things about him that will scare you away,” Shiro explained.

“But he’s our family,” Hunk then spoke, his voice breaking, showing some emotion for the first time in days. “We would never-he’s  _family._  We care so much-,” Hunk then exhaled. “We do,” he ran his hands over his face.

“And he cares too,” Allura then spoke up. “He wouldn’t have come back here if he didn’t.”

“There’s just a lot to know,” Shiro said. All of them knew that was a sign to push, to push to the point Keith opened up, because they didn’t have much time left.

Keith didn’t have much time left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also this is not clone Shiro because fuck that shit Keith don't need no Kuron in his life right now.


	3. Pidge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some friendly video-games with a side of angst and _death_ (sorry I'm evil)

**_Pidge_ **

“You go faster with this button,” Pidge instructed, and Keith nodded as he held the game controller in his hands. Pidge had set up a gaming system in Keith’s new room. It wasn’t a difficult task; she just made a portable projector and then hooked the system up to it.

It was the day after the ‘meeting’. What they all had subtly, and almost non-officially concluded, was each taking a day to get Keith to open up. Of course, not that no one else could come in and interact with him, but it was just something they all agreed on, at least for the rest of the current movement.

A day with Keith, out of the four movements he had left. It sounded like a dumb idea, but it was at least reassurance that if Keith’s state went downhill again, Pidge wouldn’t be shut out, so she agreed.

“Seems kind of unfair cause you play all the time,” Keith joked, faintly smiling. Pidge rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Well, it’s a piloting game, so it will be pretty sad if you don’t beat me,” Pidge responded, and Keith laughed. She felt herself frown when he coughed right after.

“I’m fine. Just-,” Keith said as he got interrupted by another cough. “Coran says I caught some respiratory disease from when I was with the Blades,” he continued as the coughing died down. Pidge nodded and started the game as well as picked a course to play on.

“Does it hurt?” she asked, and immediately regretted it.

 _Of course, it fucking hurts,_ she thought.

“I mean not as much as other things. I was able to convince Coran to not give me one of those breathing tubes till later,” Keith said as the race started. He sat crisscrossed on his bed with at least three pillows behind him. Since he started letting people visit him and had gotten _stable_ , he got out of the cryosuit and basically only wore clothes that Shiro had gotten from the space mall they had visited last week.

During the week where no one knew if he was going to make it.

Pidge had to admit it was weird not seeing Keith in one of his armors and out of his normal black apparel. Now, he mostly wore pajama bottoms, grey or black sweatpants, and a mix of alien graphic tees and some of Shiro’s clothes he had gathered over the months they had been in space.

She had to admit he looked much more comfortable and they did a good job of hiding how much weight Keith had lost. She had never seen Keith so _lean_ , and even though she hasn’t seen him in months before he came back to the Castle, he still had lost lots of muscle.

Now, it seemed day by day, he was losing at least some weight.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” Keith then said as they made it to the second lap of the race. Keith was in first and Pidge was a sad excuse for second place. It brought some joy to Pidge that at least bed-ridden Keith still handed her ass to her when it came to piloting.

“Scared me?” Pidge asked as the sound of clicking from the controllers filled the room.

“I hear things-the vents, and also I think I’m going insane because I ask the mice questions and they actually like nod or shake their heads,” Keith laughed lightly as they made it to the last lap.

“You know they are actually magical mice? They can actually understand you,” Pidge said as he tried to catch up to Keith, it was pretty close to impossible though.

“I never actually believed it, but I guess when you are bored out of your mind, you tend to notice things you never did before,” Keith responded as he finished first and mic-dropped the controller on his bed in front of him.

Pidge laughed and rolled her eyes. She had never seen Keith like this. He had always seemed so _emo_ and distant. It was _heartbreaking_ to get to know the playful, open Keith, when he was going to be gone so soon. It’s like every time he showed a new side it was a stab at how her and the rest of the team had failed to truly make him feel like he was a part of the team, part of their _family._

Besides Shiro, Pidge doubted anyone knew much about Keith.

 _You pathetic excuse for a human being,_ she thought to herself.

“There’s still one more race left,” Pidge said as she finished the race herself. Keith smiled as Pidge set up the next race.

“But you don’t have to apologize,” Pidge reassured. “You have no control over what happens, you shouldn’t apologize for that.”

“Yeah, but it was still terrifying I bet. So sorry that you had to go through that,” Keith said, and the mood quickly shifted from friendly banter to something more serious.

“I know it was overwhelming, but-,” Pidge began to say, but she stopped. She didn’t know if it was appropriate to ask. It sounded selfish in her head more than anything, so she quickly tried to rephrase it, but Keith was quick to stop her.

“Why didn’t I want you guys there?” Keith finished. Pidge’s eyes widened as she wondered how he knew what she was going to say.

Pidge nodded as she kept her eyes on the screen. They finished the first lap, and Keith was yet again in first place. It was honestly just becoming a replay of the last race. She knew she was going to lose, but she kept trying anyway.

“Honest answer?” Keith said. “Nothing good would have come from you guys seeing that.”

“But, I-I could’ve-,” Pidge began to say as they almost finished the last lap. She still didn’t turn to face him, but she was close to bringing herself to.

“Coran and Allura were doing everything they could,” Keith said as the race finished.

“But I could have helped,” Pidge retorted as she turned from where she was sitting. Since Keith woke up, they had set up four bean bag like chairs around his bed, making sure not to block the doorway to the bathroom that was connected to his room. They were taller than the ones back on Earth and they adjusted like memory foam. Besides the chairs and the bed, there wasn’t much filling up the room except some sunk in shelf above Keith’s hospital-like bed with a bunch of medication bottles, blankets, and pillows.

“But you didn’t need to,” Keith said as he set the controller down, the cheering and congratulations sequence of the game played on the screen as it presented first place to Keith. He wasn’t even looking at the screen though.

“Okay,” Pidge decided there would be no point in arguing. “But if anything happens again, I’m going to be here.”

Keith nodded; he was about to speak before a chime was heard. Pidge pulled out her phone and got a text message from Hunk. It was asking to pick up Keith’s lunch.

“I’m going to go get lunch,” Pidge said, and Keith nodded as he got pulled out his own phone and leaned back on his bed.

“Is there still that juice left?” Keith asked as he looked up and stopped Pidge before she walked out.

“Hunk just made more this morning,” Pidge replied. “I’ll bring you extra.”

“Thanks,” Keith smiled as he returned to his phone.

* * *

 

“He acts like he’s fine,” Pidge said to Hunk as he filled up a tray of food.

“I don’t think he would want us to see him if he wasn’t fine,” Hunk replied. He was speaking more which helped the whole team out along with Pidge speaking much less. The lack of yelling also settled the peace.

“He said nothing good would have come from us seeing him last week,” Pidge said as she picked at her own plate on the tray Hunk had set up. She was eating lunch with Keith, more so to make sure he ate.

“You would know more than anyone why he would say that,” Hunk said, jabbing at how she had hacked into the security feeds to see Keith during the last movement.

“I stopped after Shiro told me to stop,” Pidge huffed out, not wanting to talk about it. She hadn’t realized at the time, but if Keith ever found out she had tapped into the feeds and watched _that_ , he would probably not be able to look at her the same.

She felt herself frowning as she remembered it.

_He was seizing so much, shaking the whole bed and rattling all the wires that were connected to him. For the first two days they would happen constantly, but after the third or fourth Allura was able to find a remedy to stop the seizures._

_Pidge remembered watching Shiro hold him down, yelling and repeating words of reassurance as Keith’s horrible grunts and whimpers filled the comms. Times where Allura and Coran had to perform procedures he would wake up and groan in pain for hours before he finally fell asleep. There was a time where he was just hooked up to so many machines and in a medically induced coma. One for breathing, one for food, and countless others that made Pidge regret digging up so much information, for meddling in a part of Keith’s life where he was so helpless and vulnerable._

That’s why when Shiro found out and straight out yelled at her, she didn’t argue and stopped immediately. It didn’t put to rest the fact that she herself felt useless. During that time, she was unable to help Keith despite knowing exactly what he was going through. It made her angry knowing he was barely even breathing and being told to sit back and live like nothing was happening.

At that moment, it felt like _everything_ was happening.

Now, she understood it was for the best, but it still irritated her when she dedicated too much time to the thought.

She sighed as she got up, held the tray that Hunk prepped, and walked back to the room.

* * *

 

As she approached Keith’s room, she took a deep breath before entering.

“Lunch time,” she chimed as Keith looked up and went to press a button on the top of the headboard of his bed. It projected a table in front of him. Pidge watched him mess with a knob that changed the size of the table to one he saw fit for both of them. She scooted up a bean bag chair with her feet and lined up with the edge of the table. She set the tray with both of their lunches down and sat in her chair.

“Brought you extra juice,” Pidge said as she eyed the two tall cups of juice she had brought just for Keith.

“Thanks,” he said as he set his phone down on the table and moved so he was facing Pidge, still crisscrossed on his bed.

They ate in silence for a while before either of them spoke.

“Have you been on any missions?” Keith asked as he opened up what looked like some type of jello cup. It was one of the many snacks that the med bay had been supplied with. Coran had been head over heels when they had all scoured the Castle looking for things that could help Keith and found them. He went on and on about the countless flavor combinations, and Pidge was glad to see Keith eating something, even if it was weird alien jello.

“No,” Pidge shook her head as she took a bite of her food. “Lance and Hunk have been on a few. Some rescue missions, but not many cause Red is pretty unstable right now,” she wiped at the edge of her mouth with a napkin.

 _We’re all pretty unstable right now,_ she thought to herself.

“She would go crazy when I even got a scratch. She must be going insane,” Keith said sadly as he scooped more jello up, wincing as his IV got caught under his knee.

“Kolivan is coming later today,” Pidge said as she continued eating.

“Shiro told me. You guys are going to try to find my mom?” Keith asked, his voice sounding a bit more hopeful as he set down the jello and poked at the more solid food on his plate.

“Yeah, we are. I know it’s important to you,” Pidge said.

“It’s pretty dumb actually,” Keith lightly laughed.

“What?” Pidge questioned, her tone hesitant to push further.

“That I care so much about a person that wasn’t there for all of my life. I’m basically asking you to look for a stranger as my last request before I die,” Keith explained. “Ah, sorry probably shouldn’t say the _d_ word,” Keith hissed as he drank some of the juice.

Pidge didn’t know what to say. Anything she thought of sounded _wrong._

“Sorry, I’m making things depressing. You are coming here to hang out with me. I’ll keep the death talk to a minimum” Keith sighed as he grabbed the blanket Shiro had gotten him and brought it to cover his shoulders, almost like a cape.

“You cold?” Pidge asked as she made a motion to change the temperature.

“No, it’s fine. I like it like this. Plus, Coran would kill you if you turn it up. Would allow for all the _bacteria_ to form and blossom. Then we would have two dead people, and that’s just sad. But you’re not at fucked up as me, so you’d probably just get a cold.”

“Oh, sorry, said I was going to stop doing that,” Keith said as he took another sip of the juice.

“I don’t think it’s dumb, Keith,” Pidge then said, drawing attention from all the _death_ talk. “I went haywire trying to find my family. So, in some way I understand why it means so much. She’s your mom, so we will look for her.”

Keith nodded as he bit his cracked lips. Pidge wanted to yell at him to stop, but she didn’t think she could take Keith’s expression if she were to go through with it.

“You know I always thought I was destined to be alone,” Keith started saying, watching the condensation on his cup. “Born without parents, dropout, sick kid. Sounds like a pretty shitty person to try to bring into your life.”

“Sounds like they would turn out to be stubborn as hell,” Pidge added, Keith smiled.

“So hard to try to get to open up I bet,” Keith commented.

“Yeah, and even harder to try to get them to understand they are loved by so many people,” Pidge said, and Keith stilled.

“Sounds like a difficult person to love,” Keith then said as he leaned back on his bed, bringing the big, fluffy blanket to his chin.

“Do you really think that?” Pidge asked, her tone sad.

_Do you really think that you are difficult to love?_

“Just seems annoying to deal with a person that’s got so many walls up. Makes you think when people will just give up and leave,” Keith shrugged. “It would be much easier to give up.”

“It would,” Pidge said, making Keith flinch at her response. “But it’s not about the _easier_ thing to do. It’s about being there for someone you care very much about, no matter what they are going through, no matter how much they push you away.”

Keith hummed.

“Would it be annoying if I asked if you really mean all that?” Keith mumbled, almost too quietly for Pidge to hear.

Pidge shook her head as tears started building up in her eyes.

How long had Keith lived believing that they didn’t care about him? How had they all just let it pass over their heads how much Keith thought they saw him as _annoying,_ as a _burden_ to the team?

How had they failed to show him how much they cared about him?

Pidge looked at her lap as she spoke.

“Keith, you’re anything _but_ annoying _._ We all love you so fucking much. Keith, you’ve never been a bother, we never wished you would go away. God,” Pidge breathed as her voice cracked. “We would do anything to turn back time and tell you that a million times, so you wouldn’t even be questioning it now.”

Pidge waited for Keith’s response, but after moments of silence, she looked up and was faced with his red nose and puffy red eyes. As Pidge set her hands down on the edge of the bed beside the table, Keith grabbed her and hugged her tight, as tight as he could with the strength he had.

And although it wasn’t much, Pidge could _feel_ it. She could feel all the emotions and gratitude that seeped out of Keith, and it _melted_ her.

Pidge soon felt her shoulder get damp and she assumed Keith had started crying.

There were no words spoken, just faint sniffling from both of them as Keith pulled away. He reached behind him into the sunken in shelf and grabbed some tissues, handing some to Pidge.

“It seems pretty pointless keeping the walls up with all of this,” Keith sniffed as he threw his arms up lightly, signaling to the recent situation. He let out a small laugh, coughing a bit.

Pidge blew her nose as Keith kept talking.

“I’m sorry for what I said to you back then, about your family, when you were trying to leave,” Keith said, it physically looked like a weight was lifted off him, and Pidge winced at how much Keith had been holding onto the past.

“Back at the party with the Arusians?” Pidge asked, trying to pinpoint what exactly Keith had been killing himself over. Keith nodded.

“Keith, that was so long ago. I honestly forgot it, it’s fine,” Pidge said, “like I said I was so driven to find my family. I was being impulsive and dumb.”

“Still, I just-,” Keith began, his voice getting nasally as he brought a tissue up to his eyes, “if I am going to die in four weeks, I need to make sure you don’t think I hate you or something. Oh god, now I’m crying like a fucking baby, sorry”

Pidge frowned at that. The whole team was worried that they weren’t showing Keith enough compassion, had waited _too long_ to show him how much he mattered to them, but there Keith was worrying _about them._ Like as if he had to prove anything to anyone.

“I never thought you hated me,” Pidge reassured. “You are like a brother, a protective, temperamental brother that I love, and Keith, god, why would I hate you?”

“I left. I thought with Shiro being back, and just-,” he paused. “Lance came to me when Shiro came back. He said he was afraid of being useless, of being forced out of Voltron because of all the switches in the Lions. And then I thought about it-,” he paused again as he coughed and wiped at his tears.

“I told him he was being crazy, that there was no way we would replace him. Cause he’s _Lance,_ he’s _sociable and lovable,_ and all the things that are amazing. And I’m a loner. I’m _Galra_ , and it just-I dunno-it seemed like-the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. It was almost like a sign for me to leave. _I_ was the useless one, the bad leader, the _Galra_ ,” Keith managed to get out between coughs and light sobs.

Pidge stood frozen before she spoke, trying to process all the fallacies in Keith’s argument.

“Keith, no,” Pidge muttered out as she moved the tray to the floor and got rid of the table by clicking on the button Keith had previously pressed.

Pidge tried to gather her thoughts. _The loner_ , that’s what Keith had beat himself up about and it’s a joke that Pidge absentmindedly threw around to tease him.

_The loner. The emo. The lone wolf._

She had fed his insecurities and even though she had no way of knowing how it was affecting Keith, she still felt like shit that what she had said had made such a negative impact on him.

“I’m so sorry,” Pidge muttered out as she brought her forehead to his hands, making sure not to mess with his IV. “I-,” she paused. “I said all those things to you without even thinking-“

“No, it’s not your fault,” Keith corrected. “It’s just-I left without thinking about you guys, without trying to talk about it. I left because that’s my instinct, it’s to run. And I ran, and I’m sorry that I ran,” he apologized.

“I’m sorry that I left without saying anything and then coming back when I’m dying. Maybe if I hadn’t left, if I had talked about it, maybe this wouldn’t have-,” Keith began to say.

“No, Keith,” Pidge stopped him, squeezing his hands, his cold, pale hands. “It was coming back, there was no way of stopping it, there was no way of knowing. Gosh, this whole situation is shitty, stop trying to take all the blame you fucking asshole,” Pidge went off.

“You didn’t do anything wrong; it was us!” Pidge suddenly cried out. “We should have been a better _family_ , we shouldn’t have let you leave, we should have made you stay!”

Keith looked wide-eyed at her as she cried with her forehead still to his hands.

“None of this is your fault,” Pidge whispered as tears streamed down her face. “None of it,” she repeated, and Keith pulled her head into his lap and pulled his hands away gently, rubbing her back and trying to console her.

Pidge wanted to tell him to stop, that he shouldn’t have consoled her, but she didn’t have it in her to push Keith away, so she let him soothe her.

“It’s just a shitty situation,” Keith gently said as her crying calmed down, her breathing still unsteady. “It’s just shitty.”


	4. Hunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I already feel like shit, though, but apparently I won’t even want to move. Shiro said he would spoon-feed me jello. I never thought that I would be spoon-fed, always thought I would die young enough to not have to go through that,” Keith rambled on.
> 
> “Not this young, though,” Keith huffed.

**_Hunk_ **

Pidge didn’t come out of Keith’s room until Kolivan arrived. Even at that, the only reason she probably left Keith was because Coran needed to give him meds as well as change his IV and Keith wanted privacy.

And no one was in any position to deny Keith what he wanted.

From then, Kolivan, and other agents in Keith’s team came to visit him. No one really bothered them for a whole day. Only the _trio_ that had been taking care of Keith during the first week were in there with the rest of the agents, probably discussing Keith’s health. Because of this, what was supposed to be Hunk’s ‘day’ got pushed back, but he didn’t really protest. As much as he wanted to see Keith, he wasn’t one to go against what the _trio_ deemed appropriate.

Hunk looked at them as the _adults._ Not just because of their age, but because they were able to put their emotions aside and do the best for Keith. Or at least not break down and maintain a strong face for him.

It was something that proved to be close to impossible for him, Pidge, and Lance.

He took a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts. Despite the delay, the Blades were supposedly leaving to go find Keith’s mom today, so it was Hunk’s day.

It sounded dumb at first, each taking a day with Keith, a day that was somewhat just them and Keith, just talking, doing whatever Keith was up to doing before he hit a point where he wouldn’t be able to do much. In Hunk’s mind, it felt like they were managing a schedule, when in reality they were planning their last moments with him.

 _Gosh, I’m not going to cry again,_ Hunk thought as he wiped at his eye. He took another deep breath as he got back to his task. He had prepped breakfast for Keith. He was in charge of making his meals after Keith let people see him. Coran had given him countless of the _jello_ flavors to mix and match. So, there was one of the tray he carried, along with the last of the juice he was able to make with the fruits they had gathered.

Even though Keith barely touched the more solid foods that everyone else was eating, Hunk still put a portion of it on a plate for him because _maybe_ he would feel up to it.

“Oh, you going to see Keith?” A voice suddenly spoke as the kitchen doors slid open. It was Lance, a bedhead Lance. Hunk nodded as he finished putting everything on the tray.

Seeing Lance only verified how they were just _kids_ , not capable of being responsible for Keith. He was a mess, had been ever since they found out. Even if he didn’t tell him, Hunk knew Lance hadn’t slept right since then, hadn’t eaten well, hadn’t even acted remotely like himself.

He didn’t know exactly why he was reacting in such a polarizing and extreme manner compared to the rest of them, but he _knew_ Lance. He knew that somehow; he was twisting story after story inside his head to somehow guilt himself.

He knew, yet he couldn’t find it in himself to try to help Lance out of the pit he was forming, not when he couldn’t get himself out of his own.

“I think Marmora ended up falling asleep in his room,” Lance then spoke, his voice tired and still doused in sleep. Hunk nodded as he took in the information.

“There’s food in the fridge. You should eat something,” he spoke to an empty room as Lance left the kitchen with only a cup of water.

Hunk sighed as he made his way to Keith’s room.

 

* * *

 

 

When he reached Keith’s room, he found him curled up in the middle of his bed. He was on his phone as the three agents and Kolivan laid around him and his bed. One, who Hunk recognized as Regris, was grooming the top of Keith’s head.

Hunk would have flinched a bit, even ran back outside, if Keith didn’t act so nonchalantly to it happening, so peaceful and comforted. Keith’s eyes then fell on him as he entered the room and _Regris_ stopped to also meet his gaze.

“Oh, hi, Hunk,” Keith said as he put his phone down and suddenly blushed a little, noticing Hunk had walked in on whatever had been happening. One by one, the _pack_ that was formed around Keith woke up, somehow sensing Keith’s sudden change of emotion.

Hunk felt guilty ruining whatever moment had been happening.

_I should have just waited. Lance told me they were here, but I didn’t think this is what I would be walking into._

“Kit?” Kolivan then spoke, he was sitting in one of the chairs across from Hunk, on the other side of the bed. He seemed to have fallen asleep with his head on Keith’s lap.

“This-Hunk, he is the yellow paladin, the best leg,” Keith weakly said as he sat up, everyone around him paying mind to his IV. Hunk noticed how it seemed to be administering different fluids from the last time he had seen Keith. The last time he had seen Keith though was when he and Lance had walked past his room. Keith wasn’t even awake when that had happened.

The _pack_ hummed as they stretched and got up from their sleeping positions.

“There’s breakfast in the kitchen. I brought-,” Hunk took a deep breath. “I brought Keith food.” Keith smiled at him. Kolivan patted Keith’s head before he got up himself.

“We are going to talk to the princess after we eat,” Kolivan said, and Keith nodded. “We will report anything as soon as we can.”

Hunk watched them part and he felt an ache. All of the agents truly seemed like a family, and Keith seemed so open and relaxed around them, in a way that he rarely ever saw Keith act with Voltron. It sat with him the more he thought about it.

Hunk always thought Keith didn’t like to be touched, much less groomed by someone almost twice his size, but he just let all the agents tenderly take care of him, comfort him. Hunk wondered if all this time, Keith wanted that from them.

 _Why didn’t I hug you more?_ Hunk thought as he brought the tray closer to the bed as all of the Blades filtered out.

“Sorry, that must have been weird to walk in on,” Keith said as he went to click something on his headboard, projecting a table for Hunk to set his tray down on. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and lightly laughed.

_It’s like I’m seeing a whole new side of you._

“No, not at all,” Hunk was quick to reassure. He paused as he set out everything. “Do they-does that happen at lot at the base?” Hunk brought himself to ask.

_Have you let people in all this time? Did we just not make you feel comfortable?_

“Ha,” Keith laughed as he wrapped a fluffy blanket at his hips, setting it on his crisscrossed legs as he got comfortable. “They just started doing it during the first week at the base, and I got used to it, I guess. Marmora honestly feels like the tribes we heard about in history class at the Garrison. Like the hunters and gatherers or whatever, mixed with some type of cat,” Keith joked as he picked up a glass of juice.

Hunk smiled and nodded as he bit his lip.

“So, are you guys like on rotation or something? Who’s next?” Keith suddenly asked as he put his glass down and went to pick up a spoon and the jello cup.

Hunk looked at him before he understood what he was saying.

“What makes you think that?” He lightly laughed.

“Pidge, then you,” Keith said as he dug a spoonful of jello into his spoon.

“Uh-,” Hunk hesitated. “I guess.”

“Huh, nice system,” Keith spoke between spoonfuls. “I guess,” it took a tick for Hunk to process his expression as mocking his previous comment.

“Lighten up. I’m the one in the hospital bed,” Keith said after Hunk was at a loss for words.

_I’ve never seen him like this._

“Hey, sorry. I think all the drugs Coran has been giving me are getting rid of my filter. I’ve been saying things without thinking since he gave me something new this morning that Regris suggested,” Keith rambled on.

_“He might act differently, but it’s still him, just probably a side of him that he tries to hide. Don’t point it out though, just act like it’s Keith. Cause it is, you just might upset him if draw too much attention to it,” Shiro had told him yesterday._

_“Also, he will say a lot of dumb things. But I guess he’s just like that around me. I didn’t notice it was any different until Allura pointed it out the other day. You are going to get to know Keith, and just the idea that he doesn’t really have much control over how vulnerable he will get to be can be pretty terrifying to him, so just,” he paused._

_“Just let him be,” Allura had finished and Shiro nodded._

Hunk remembered what had been explained to him, and he sensed this is what they had been talking about.

“No, it’s fine,” Hunk said. “This is the last of the juice, by the way, so don’t drink it so fast.”

“That fucking sucks,” Keith rolled his eyes as he dramatically groaned. Hunk couldn’t help but widen his eyes more. “Sorry,” Keith then repeated, and Hunk’s eyes widened more.

“Do I look that bad?” he then asked Hunk and he was forced to talk back.

“No, you don’t,” he responded.

“You look like I’m already dead,” Keith then mumbled as he went to drink some of his juice. Hunk shook his head as he set his hands down on the edge of the table.

“Sorry, it’s just-,” Hunk began to say, but all the words seemed wrong.

“A shitty situation?” Keith suggested.

Hunk nodded.

“Pidge brought video games yesterday,” Keith said. “What did you bring?”

“Oh,” Hunk said as he went to grab at his own food. “I didn’t really-“

“You really are persistent,” Keith then spoke. Hunk turned to look at him and noticed he was poking at the solid food on his plate. It was a breakfast burrito. “You shouldn’t waste ingredients on me. Coran told me that in about another week or two, I’ll feel like shit and won’t want to eat anything solid.”

Hunk winced. Keith was being so direct in a way Hunk couldn’t match, and the way he changed the subject in a blink of an eye was something that Hunk’s morning brain could not keep up with.

“Uh-I,” he stumbled through his words.

“I already feel like shit, though, but apparently I won’t even want to move. Shiro said he would spoon-feed me jello. I never thought that I would be spoon-fed, always thought I would die young enough to not have to go through that,” Keith rambled on.

“Not this young, though,” Keith huffed as he set his jello down and rubbed at his eyes. He sniffled and Hunk realized he had started tearing up.

_What the hell did Coran give him?_

“Keith,” Hunk brought himself to say.

“I can’t stop talking,” Keith laughed, his voice was tainted in sniffles, his nose red. “Like with the Blades the only reason I shut up was cause everyone was asleep. Regris threatened to tape my mouth shut, asshole.”

“Please stop looking at me like I’m crazy,” he turned to Hunk.

“Sorry-it’s just-,” Hunk fumbled through his words. “You never-,” he paused.

_“Just let him be. Don’t draw attention to it.”_

“Why do you like the juice so much?” Hunk asked, and Keith looked like he was expecting a more up-front question, but then his face fell to be more relaxed as he processed the question.

“Ha,” Keith smiled as he picked up the cup. “It’s just sweet and tangy. It’s like a mix of different fruits back on Earth.”

“It’s like something my dad used to make when I was little,” Keith admitted, sadly smiling.

“Oh,” Hunk said. He had learned what had happened to Keith’s dad. He assumed he wasn’t close with his family from the lack of him talking about it, but he hadn’t learned he _hadn’t_ had one for a long time until the last week.

The idea of Keith growing up, all alone, for so long stung. It stung more that no one, but Shiro, had known about it until recently. Hunk imagined Keith at school, at the Garrison during holidays. He thought of how when Shiro had work and missions, Keith had to have been left alone while everyone else was with their family. He had to have felt so lonely, and to keep those emotions all inside for so long. Hunk didn’t know how he hadn’t broken down before. He didn’t know how he wasn’t crying and letting out all those pent-up emotions out _now_ of all times.

“I’m guessing everyone knows about my dad now,” Keith sighed as he bit his lip.

“No-,” Hunk began to excuse. “Yeah, sorry,” he admitted after a tick or two. Keith just shrugged it off.

“Pidge says you don’t really talk about your family a lot,” Keith said as Hunk silently took a bite of his sandwich.

“I do, just. I guess the more I talk about them, the more I miss them,” Hunk shrugged, trying not to further add to the tension.

“Fair,” Keith said as he poked at the breakfast burrito. “What’s in here?”

“Well I don’t know the names exactly of the alien stuff. But it tastes like eggs and sausage,” Hunk replied. Keith hummed as he grabbed it with both of his hands and took a small bite.

“It tastes good,” he smiled as he set it down. Hunk smiled back, even though he knew that was probably all Keith was going to eat of it.

“So, you didn’t answer what you have planned,” Keith then brought up as he poked at some fruits Hunk had brought in a small bowl.

“Uh, I didn’t really plan anything,” Hunk admitted, almost mumbling. He felt bad that Keith had been expecting something.

“Would you listen to one of my suggestions?” Keith asked, his tone mischievous, and Hunk raised an eyebrow as he hesitantly nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

“This doesn’t seem like a good idea,” Hunk said as he hooked Keith’s IV bag and small machine to a pole-like structure. It floated instead of rolling around on wheels and was able to move on its own.

“Well, you would have stopped if you really believed that,” Keith smiled as he sat up more, letting his legs and feet dangle off the bed.

“Are you sure you can-,” Hunk began to ask as he finished wrapping all the wires and tubes to the pole’s hooks, fastening everything by clicking a button. Keith just nodded as he made an effort to stand up.

He didn’t wait for Hunk, and before he had the time to react and catch him, Keith was on the floor.

The pole hung diagonally above him, adjusting to his position.

“Keith!” Hunk yelped as he dropped down to help him up. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he nodded as he let Hunk help him up, grabbing the forearm closest to him with both of his hands, making Hunk notice how weak and frail they seemed. “At least we know the pole works. Imagine stripping on that type of technology-“

“Keith!” Hunk gasped.

“Sorry, no filter,” he blushed and nervously laughed. “You have to admit though-“

“No, don’t,” Hunk facepalmed with his free hand.

“But where do you want to go?” Hunk asked.

“Is it dumb to say just anywhere but here? I haven’t left this room for almost two weeks, and from what Coran told me, I either get out now, or die with the memory of a white room bored into my mind.”

Hunk nodded. “Can you go to the pool?” Hunk asked and Keith sighed.

“Coran would hate me if I went in, but maybe just dip my feet in. It can’t make anything worse. Not like anyone can catch what I have, cause unlike me, normal people have immune systems,” Keith rambled yet again, and Hunk couldn’t get used to it.

Keith talking _so much._

 _“Just act like it’s Keith. Cause it is, you just might upset him if draw too much attention to it.”_ Hunk remembered as he tried his best not to make any accidental comments that would make Keith uncomfortable.

He just didn’t want to say the _wrong_ thing.

“Okay, let me go get towels,” Hunk said, and Keith squeezed his forearm as he smiled nervously.

“Is it okay if I come with you? I know it’s hard with me holding on-” Keith asked, and Hunk nodded quickly, helping Keith slip into some plastic slide-ons.

They gathered the towels and slowly, but surely made their way to the pool. Unlike the first time Keith had gone to the pool, there was much less falling and frustration.

Hunk knew how to use the anti-gravity technology, and as they entered the room, they stepped on a platform that guided them to the edge of the pool. Hunk helped Keith sit down comfortably and nudged his pole away from the edge of the pool as he rolled up his pant legs.

Keith hissed immediately as he dipped his feet in. He then smiled, and Hunk let out a breath he was holding.

He was in the middle of rolling up his own pants until he heard sniffling. He turned to Keith, who was rubbing at his eyes, and trying to shield his face from Hunk seeing it. Hunk decided it was best to not draw attention to it, but then Keith spoke, his small, hiccupping voice filling the empty space.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” Keith sighed as he lightly laughed. “This might sound dumb,” he paused before speaking, and Hunk _hated_ how often he started his thoughts that way.

_This might sound dumb…_

_This might sound stupid…_

_Sorry if this is weird…_

With a type of uncertainty, he never experienced from Keith before.

“It’s not,” Hunk said before Keith was even allowed to finish the sentence. He bit less as his lip before continuing.

“I never learned how to swim, and I always planned to learn how to when we got back to Earth. I always just stuck my feet in or sat at the edge,” Keith admitted.

“Oh,” Hunk said, letting Keith continue on, _hoping_ he would.

“This is going to sound super sad, but fuck it, I’m dying anyway and that’s pretty sad,” Keith huffed as he gently kicked the water. “Because I was in _the system_ for so long no one ever taught me. Some kids learned how to from their friends, but I never really talked to _anyone_ really.

During summer though we would go to the pool and then the other kids would make fun of me cause I couldn’t swim and would only sit on the edge and watch. I didn’t really understand all they were saying. I didn’t really care.

But then they kept saying things, and I got angry, so I tried to push them away. They got mad and pushed me into the water. I tried pulling myself out, but they kept stepping on my fingers when I would grab onto the edge.

After that, I said I didn’t want to go for pool days and would stay _far away_ from water. At the Garrison, Shiro tried to teach me, but I guess I never got _over_ it. And here, I heard there was a pool. Allura said it was safe and if it detected you were drowning it would do some magic stuff and save you, so I thought it would be perfect to learn.

But Lance probably told you how that didn’t work out,” Keith laughed as looked ahead of him, into the water.

“And now, I guess it’s pretty pointless to learn when I’ll be gone in less than a month. But there’s so much I wanted to do. I was going to beat the Galra’s ass. I was going to find my mom. I was going to maybe find myself a hotass man, or finally tell him how much I love him, and maybe after this was all done, I was going to I don’t know, _live_ and have a family. And just-”, Keith stopped. “That’s not happening.”

Hunk frowned at that. He once prided himself on always knowing what to say, but at the moment, he felt like nothing he said was _right._

“Sorry, you probably didn’t want to hear-,” Keith started as he subtly wiped his nose, almost passing it off as sweeping hair off his face.

“No, I do. God, Keith we all want to hear you talk,” Hunk let out, for a tick, not caring if the words were the _right_ ones. Keith was leaving, like truly, forever leaving, and no words would be _perfect_.

_And it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if the words aren’t ‘right’._

“Keith, you know you can talk to us, right?” Hunk asked and Keith didn’t respond, just looked up and let his arms behind him support his weight.

“It’s just-,” he breathed. “I-I’ve never had _anybody_ except Shiro and my dad. And then they _both_ left. God, I thought I lost Shiro _again._ And I know you guys care, but it’s just-my life is so shitty, and I am such a mess, and growing up no one really wanted to hear about it. Hell, who wants to hear about someone who’s foster home almost drowned them?” Keith sighed. Hunk could tell he was trying not to cry.

He almost felt guilty for hearing all of this. Keith was probably fifty shades of drugged up, and Hunk didn’t know if Keith really trusted him to tell him all this or if he was just extremely high.

Either way, Hunk responded as if Keith was trusting him because a huge part of him _wanted_ Keith to have trusted him, _them_ , enough to open up about something so intimate.

“We do, Keith. We want to hear all of it. We want you to tell us all of it,” Hunk was quick to speak. “Because we all care so much about you. You don’t have to be afraid to tell us, you don’t,” he repeated. “So, please don’t say _sorry_ for opening up.”

Keith hummed a response.

“Okay,” Keith said as he sat straight up and kicked more at the water.

There was silence for a bit that allowed Hunk to think. He never thought he would ever be in the situation where he would tell Keith to open up and he wouldn't end up with a broken bone or a nasty bruise. And it felt  _dumb_ and horrible to think about now. He felt like an idiot for not just taking this step before. He was only taking it when it was too late. When Keith was drugged up, barely able to stand on his own, and crying constantly from everything pumping through his body. 

The more he thought about it though, Hunk realized that it was actually so easy despite all those circumstances. It was  _easy_ to talk to Keith even when the drugs were wearing off. Even though being left with a nasty bruise was one of his many fears in talking with Keith, he easily came to the conclusion that Keith would never actually do that. Keith wouldn't' attack him for talking. If anything, Keith seemed so relieved to finally be letting it out. 

 _I'm such an idiot_ , Hunk thought as he realized how easy it was to break the emotional dam that Keith had built up.

“I got diagnosed when I was seven,” he spoke, and Hunk straightened up, realizing Keith was actually going to tell him more about himself. He scooted closer to Keith as he spoke. Keith smiled at him and Hunk smiled back as he grabbed Keith’s hand and comforted him in any way he thought could work.

He was shocked when Keith’s didn’t flinch or shrivel back from his touch. He just accepted it. It made Hunk wonder what stopped him from doing it before.

After the first few words, Keith went off. He talked about his diagnosis, how the foster home he was at pushed him away when he would knock at their door at night with a bloody nose and bleeding gums. He told Hunk about fainting at school and then waking up in a hospital.

He was scared and confused, and he was so _small._ So small and Hunk’s chest ached as he went on. Because Keith was _so strong._

He was so strong to have gone through that. All the harsh treatments that had to be done for four years before he even began remission. All the bullying he went through from horrible kids at his home and at school who didn’t understand what he was going through. Hunk would never consider himself an angry person, but as Keith started spewing about his foster homes, how they would lock him in dark closets and leave him there for hours, he felt _livid._

He could feel Keith shake as he talked about that. The way his brows furrowed seemed unconscious, but the _feelings_ were all there. He must have been so terrified, and Hunk just imagined keeping all of that inside from everyone, from the people he had been living with for _months._

Hunk held his breath as Keith went on about the Garrison. How he was so angry all the time and violent because he was holding so much inside. It tore Hunk down more when he talked about how happy he was becoming, only to have it all crumbling down when Shiro went missing during the Kerberos mission.

After that Keith started bawling, unable to continue for a while. Hunk brought his head to his shoulder and let him cry. He rubbed his back as he talked about how lonely he was. How _terrified_ he was of _it_ coming back when he was all alone, stealing medical supplies just to check every week.

And Hunk had _been_ there. He had interacted with him so many times and to think that he could have altered Keith’s whole course of life with just going up to him. Hunk couldn’t even fit all the different possibilities in his head.

When Keith finished talking, Hunk helped him to stand up and dry his feet before he slipped back into his slippers. He also helped him clean his sticky face from all the tears before they made their way back to Keith’s room.

 

* * *

 

 

“Comfortable?” Hunk asked as Keith settled into his bed and Keith nodded as he pulled the blankets over himself. “Are you sure you won’t get too hot?” he asked, and Keith smiled as he curled in more on himself.

“The blanket Shiro got me adjusts to my temperature. That’s why he got it for me,” Keith shook his head and Hunk nodded. “Is it okay if I-,” Keith said before he got interrupted by a yawn.

“Yeah, of course,” Hunk said as he went to dim the lights to the room.

“Sorry, it’s just the crying plus the drugs make me really sleepy,” Keith mumbled as he turned to his side, facing Hunk.

“It’s fine,” Hunk responded as he stood close to the doorway.

“But thank you, for listening to you know,” Keith mumbled as he struggled to keep his eyes closed.

Hunk nodded and hummed.

“It’s going to be hard for Lance to top this,” Keith sighed as he finally gave in to droop of his eyelids.

“How do you know that Lance is next-,” Hunk began to ask.

“You guys are too obvious,” Keith replied as he took a deep breath, settling deeper into his bed.

Hunk smiled as Keith seemed to peacefully fall asleep. Even though it was only the afternoon, by the Castle’s time, the sight of Keith made Hunk want to go take a nap as well.

He sighed as he slowly exited the room, leaving the lights dimmed and the door open as he made his way out. He hoped it would make Keith feel just a bit more comforted.

He hoped it helped, even if it was the smallest action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally didn't even realize this became a venting piece until I dealt with my own emotional issues, and looking back on this now and editing it just takes me back to what I was thinking before I had even resolved and pinpointed the places of emotional distress that I was undergoing. 
> 
> Life is crazy like that. 
> 
> Also, confession time the next chapter is actually not finished because I legit have so many places I want to take it. It is such a disaster and I can't even begin to describe it. I hope it's ready by the end of next week so I will try my best. There are just so many things I want to do. Also, the parts I do have written down are so dark and sad. 
> 
> It's also weird exploring the emotional side of Keith because haha canon didn't really do that so I am taking creative liberty. Sorry if it seems off-brand for Keith, but I just think that what is show and what is felt can be so different and people don't even know bro. Also, give him a break he's literally DYING so my home boi is 100%is having a breakdown or two...or a hundred
> 
> Also, leave some comments, like any author on this platform I LOVE them.


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